breelavie

I was cruising the internet and I saw a question that caught my eye on my cousin’s Facebook page. The question stated: “Why is that younger people fall in love so fast but as we get older,our feelings take a bit longer to reveal themselves?”

What a great question! I am not sure the exact answer but I feel like taking a stab at it from my personal experiences. I feel it is about vulnerability and the fear of being hurt again and again by people that we label as trustworthy and worth being in love with, for various reasons. It is especially hard when one has been in a relationship that abuses  trust and love. It reminds me of quicksand, the faster you move to get out of the rump, the worst off you are about making a change to save yourself.

Anyways, I do not think falling in “love” so fast is a good thing. Young people can either be in love or seek love so much that they think every relationship they enter in is “love”. I believe love can be found when you least expect it with people good and bad for you. I’m still looking for a  good kind of love. It takes more than material things for me to find “love.” It takes more than sexual things to find “love.” Sadly, when I was young ( i am still young and have many things to learn), I thought I could use sexual and material things to keep “love.” I thought I would be more desirable,but I was wrong.

I am not sure if I fell in “love” with the wrong person or if the person was so hurt in the past, he did not know how to love. It was actually scary at times that I would be questioned like a criminal by a person I labeled as my “love.” I never was hurt to the point that I thought the person I loved deserved to not let me trust him before I even knew anything about his behaviors. I could never figure it out! I could never understand why someone who loved me, would want to hurt me somehow. Then, I realized it wasn’t love.

Love is when you are okay with giving and taking. It can not be one sided and it can not be weak-minded.  Love does not threaten to leave because things get too hard. Love does not look for comfort from someone who wants a quick fling to get over the person that he or she told they loved.

People live and die in the name of love. It is not a matter that should be played around with nor should one be manipulative to control and harm another. I am not judging people who fall in love young,but things will not always be picture perfect and love should be worked out when problems arise in the relationship.

Being used and abused made me build walls many times in my life, not just with intimate relationships but even with “friends”and associates. It is that feeling, why should I think to trust you if you play the same tricks to get what you want?

But then, I realized people deserve maybe a chance or two,but some people never change. They get stuck in bad habits and seem to enjoy being the way they act towards people. So, instead of trying to figure it out I ignore those who have not quite grown up. I am a firm believer that age does not always make people mature or be responsible with love.

I use to want what the radio and movies told me was possible- a happy ending. I think people try to look for that while they are young to finally reach that happy ending someday. So, to answer my counsin’s question, young people are in a race to find what they believe is real love. It can start quick. It can end quick. It can start slow. It can last for awhile,maybe until the day you die. But you will never know until you try. Life is just an experience where you have to take real chances to get the most out of it. Yes, it is scary but sometimes it can be worth it.

I sometimes think it is a good thing to take longer to reveal yourself, you learn where people are coming from when you stop to observe and evaluate what is going on! I believe actions speak louder than words. If someone treats you crappy, they most likely do not care much about you. Sometimes realizing this hurts,but it is better to learn sooner than down the line. But if someone earns my trust, he or she can have it for a lifetime. Once losing my trust, it is never really the same but love can make me make decisions I would never in a lifetime do for anyone,unless I love him or her.

My best advice is to give someone a chance. Give the person the chance to earn your trust and not be on the basis or limited to past experiences you have had with others. Each person deserves to be identified by his or her own actions and words, and not by the majority. If I judged every man I met by a man that mistreated me in the past, I would never give love a chance. It is foolish to do. This goes the same with friends or associates, if we always think the worse in people how will the best be revealed by those who have never hurt us? Take a chance!

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