breelavie

There is a quotation from Frederick Douglass, American abolitionist, that says ” If there is no struggle, there is no progress.”

When I was growing up, I wonder what was I exactly progressing to? What’s the point? Yet, this quotation speaks very firmly to me when it came to, me. I use to want to blend into society because I felt so different. I have never been in a situation where I did not feel out of place, the underdog or disfavored. I use to take everything people said to or about me to heart. I became very critical about myself. Why?

I was missing self-love.

Let us go back to that Frederick Douglass quotation again:

” If there is no struggle, there is no progress.”

I struggled with my body image. I was too skinny. My nose was not the right shape. My hair was too thick, too curly. My skin was not the right color.

I struggled with socio-economic levels. I’m not really wealthy and I’m not really poor. People I met and knew nothing about how I got to where I am today or why, might think that I grew up with a silver spoon. If you think so, you are completely wrong.

My parents worked hard to get me an education. There were times when it was hard to put food on the table. There was a time I could barely do math or write very well. I progressed. I improved. I owe it to persistence.

I have people hate me for simple things. Hate me for the things I wear. The things I buy. The way I smile. Little do they know, the things I wear and buy took me a long time to get with my own funds, which I earned through my own hard work and time. Little do they know, those smiles were not always genuine but sometimes disguising the sadness I felt inside about myself and situations I encountered throughout my life. But these hardships made me stronger. I never try to ask for much, I try to make a way for myself. I learned this through my struggles. More progress!

During my late teenage years, I would try to do small rebellions in my daily actions, just to side track people’s social actions and words. Then one day, I stopped caring. I stopped having a need to fit in and I stopped having a need to be extremely on the outskirts of society.

I simply wanted to be me.

It recently happened,but I think it really started to occur when I talked about my life to this lady named Leslie Morgan, an alum of Yale University. It was only meant to be a short conversation about myself, when applying to schools. However, I felt so comfortable talking to her I forgot that my intention was to impress. I do not remember all we discussed but I do remember her last words to me. She told me I could make it anywhere and she felt I could be a success at anything I did.

I started to believe the same.

I say exactly what I want to say now. I do not look to the ground,but I search within the sky. I finally feel okay in my own skin. I got rid of my relaxer. I found my body beautiful. I stop trying to fit the norm. Now, I am looking to make my own path and leave my own mark on the world. I do not care what anyone says or tries to do about it. It is what I plan on doing or die trying.

There is a song called Blinded by the Light by Electric Light Orchestra.It is one of my favorite songs of all time. My favorite part of the song is when the singer says “Mama always told me not to look into the eye’s of the sun but mama, that’s where the fun is.” It is so true.

I have always wanted to look at the sun,but common sense tells me that is not very smart. Instead, I am trying to be a sun. If you really think about it our bodies have some elements that stars have that make them stars. In a sense, we are little stars roaming on earth. Suns are stars, so it is possible for me to become a sun. A sun provides life. Too much or too little contact with a sun can be devastating,but the right amount can be one of the most beautiful things. What a gift to give and be part of life’s time and events!

I do not look at the mirror or when I hear my voice be in disgust. I have learned those who try to put me down want to prevent me from being a sun. I finally realized I was already kissed by the sun to be a gift to myself and others. It took me awhile to realize, even if it was there all along inside me. Persistence and progress, hand in hand. That’s where the fun is and will remain with persistence,to realize we are all gifts, if we start loving ourselves. No one can give you what you can not somehow find in yourself.

Trackback URI | Comments RSS